On the outskirts of a small Indiana town is a motel. At this motel a high school senior is having an illicit rendezvous with the mother of one his younger sister’s friends. For the initiated, he is the older brother of the Zoomer and she is the mother of the Paladin. He’s an angry jock who takes his anger out on all the wrong people in all the wrong ways and she’s a desperate housewife who settled for less than she wanted, far too soon.
Though I don’t much enjoy his personality I do appreciate his style. The illicit lovers make out with one another as they enter their second story motel room. Once their door is shut and locked electricity sparks in the parking lot. The sparking increases as a silver orb manifests, growing larger and larger until it explodes leaving a flaming circle with me and Augumon standing in the center, our aviators on and non-descript duffle bag hung over Augumon’s shoulder.
We saunter over to the angry jock’s steel blue 79’ Camaro and get in.
“So how are we going to start the car?” Augumon asks me. “Reach into the bag” I tell him.
He pulls out a set of keys for this 79’ Camaro.
“Whatever we need is in this bag” I tell him. “Oh! That’s neat.”
As I insert the key into the ignition and let the engine warm up Augumon pulls out a red and orange striped scarf which he wraps around his neck. The Camaro’s engine roars as I feed it a little. Reaching into the duffle bag I pull out a cassette.
“What’s that?” he asks me. “The perfect song for this occasion” I answer as I insert the cassette into the player.
The electronic keyboard feeds into the rhythmic drums of the intro:
You can’t can’t stand the way that I walked out from the wreckage Can’t understand the way the way I turned myself around I tried to terminate this With you But you won’t let it go You keep on coming back for more
The tires squeal as the Camaro peels out of the parking lot and speeds down the dark highway. I crank the volume up and the two of us sing with our whole hearts like a couple idiots
“Freedom!” “We’re takin’ it back” “We’re out of here, no turnin’ back” “We’re in a baby blue Cadillac” “Just when we were stallin” “We heard an angel callin”
The brisk midwinter air floods through the open windows. It’s a little nippy but nowhere near too cold, cause we got fire in our hearts and spirit in our lungs.
“This is your life” “You can go anywhere” “You gotta grab the wheel and own it” “And drive it like you stole it” “Roll it” “This is your life” “You can be anything” “You gotta learn to rock and roll it” “You gotta put the pedal down” “And drive it like you stole it” “And drive it like you stole it”
The farther we go the faster we accelerate and the more we dance in our seats.
“We get stuck in the dirt” “And we can’t see where we’re going” “We face all kinds of hurt” “And the friction slows us down” “But we won’t be waitin’ for the world to win us gold” “And we’ll leave your dust behind us” “Stranded in the road”
Cars on the other side of the road are flashing their lights and blaring their horns at us. It’s only a matter of time now.
“Freedom!” “We’re takin’ it back” “Attitude” “We’re givin’ it back” “In a baby blue Cadillac” “Just when we were stallin” “We heard an angel callin”
At long last a pair of red and blue siren lights starts to tail us. We’re not going to keep him long, but we are going to finish this song.
“This is your life” “You can go anywhere” “You gotta grab the wheel and own it” “And drive it like you stole it”
The cop is right on our ass and flashing his brights. The light illuminates the silhouettes of Augumon drumming on the dash board and me swaying like an epileptic lunatic.
“This is your life” “You can go anywhere” “You gotta grab the wheel and own it” “And drive it like you stole it” “Roll it” “This is your life” “You can be anything” “You gotta learn to rock and roll it” “You gotta put the pedal down” “And drive it like you stole it”
As the last few bars of repetition and “hoo, hoo, hoo-ooh-ooh” play out I let the car coast to a stop. The music fades out as I shift into park. The deputy walks up to the driver-side window and he is not prepared for what he’s about to see.
“Son, do you have any idea how fast you were…” he starts with but tapers off as he sees an tiny orange dinosaur in the passenger seat.
I wave my hand in a small circle as I speak, “Officer you don’t need your gun, do you? We’re cooperating.” “Yeah I don’t need it”, he says as he pulls his pistol out its holster and tosses it aside, “why is there a giant lizard in your vehicle?” I wave my hand as I speak, “Sheeesh…I think you’re going to need the Chief to check this out.” He speaks into his handheld radio, “Chief, I need you to check something!” “Back at the station” as I wave my hand. “Meet me back at the station” he nervously echoes my words.
Augumon and I climb into the back of his squad car and he quietly hums the song as we are taken to their little lock up. As per my “request” we are put in a cell removed far removed from any others, are allowed to keep all our items, and the cell door is left unlocked. Now all we have to do is patiently wait.
It’s a little but not too long before the Chief storms over to gaze at us in bewilderment. We politely introduce ourselves and he demands to know who the hell I’m with.
“Me, myself, and him” I quip as I point back at Augumon sitting on the cot.
The Chief demands to know what the hell he is.
“I told you, I’m Augumon” my companion says.
The Chief rudely requests for clarification.
“Chief, take my word on this. Explaining him too much will only make less sense” I respond.
I ask him if he’s seen a particular series of films of popular and critical acclaim. He says “yes” and I assure him that I’m a “galactic warrior”. He sneers unbelieving as he locks the cell door. As he takes a step back I flip my hand to the side and unlock the door and push it open as I push my hand forward. Duly alarmed he grabs his handgun and trains its sights between my eyes.
“Really? You of all people should know how this goes” I say to him.
While he’s commanding me to freeze I reach through the weave and wrench the gun free of his grip and toss it against the back wall. It goes off as it impacts.
“What’s going on in here?” the Deputy asks as he enters. I wave my hand, “Chief dropped his gun. He’s got to be more careful.” “Jesus, Chief! You’re going to hurt somebody” he berates his boss.
The Chief is befuddled as to the nature of reality and queries his deputy as to what the hell Augumon is.
“Oh he’s my iguana” I answer for him, waving my hand in a particular fashion that shall continue for the duration of this exchange. “Yup, I’m totally an iguana” Augumon concurs. “You can hear him talk because you’ve been working too hard” “Uh huh and you totally deserve a day off.”
The deputy rubs his hand through his hair and sys to his boss how he’s out of it and needs to take a day. The Chief nervously agrees as he stares at me. The deputy thanks me for reporting the stolen car and coming down to station to give a witness account. I assure him that his thanks “aren’t warranted” and he walks back up to the office to sign out for the evening.
While the Chief is trying to gather his bearings on what the hell just happened I approach him and say, “Chief, we got to talk about Eleven.”